Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I will die if light touches me.
it hurts more in the daytime
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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