you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
