My first STD was from a foam party
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
