She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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