you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
