the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
