I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
