Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
