What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
