my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
