no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
