I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
