he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
