some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
