I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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