Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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