Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
