Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
