Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
