He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
