You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
