There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
