u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
