you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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