my mouth tastes like poor choices
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
