you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
