Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
