I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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