i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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