Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
