Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
