You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
