Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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