Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Its about making memories worth repressing
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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