You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
