Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
