yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
