Christians are straight up FREAKS
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
