sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
