we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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