if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
