I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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