hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
