Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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