even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
