4 words: hood of his car
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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