So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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