think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
