Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
