you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
