You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
