What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
