we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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