Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
