Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
