my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
