You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
