I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
