my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
