Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
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my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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