I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
