I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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