i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
