a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
