How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
