Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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