you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
