my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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