those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
