I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your topless pictures make me question reality
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
