I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
