well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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