1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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