My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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